Teen Friendships: Building Healthy Bonds & Handling “Mean Girls”
The tween years mark a significant and often challenging period in a girl’s life. It’s a time when girls begin to define themselves and explore their identities. This exciting journey is filled with possibilities as you discover what makes you unique. Friendships play a pivotal role in this process. These relationships are more than just social connections; they are essential to shaping how you perceive and interact with the world around you. Healthy friendships can lift you up and help you shine. Unhealthy ones can chip away at your confidence.
What Healthy Friendships Look Like
At their best, friendships give you a sense of belonging, safety, and joy. They’re grounded in:
Respect & Balance: No one friend holds all the power. Both voices matter.
Safe Communication: Friends listen without judgment and make it safe to share thoughts, feelings, and dreams.
Kind Conflict: Disagreements are handled with respect, not gossip or silent treatment.
Trust & Support: Real friends keep promises, protect secrets, and cheer each other on.
Acceptance: Each girl can be her true self without pressure to change.
Spotting “Mean Girl” Behavior
Sometimes friendships turn toxic, but you may not always be able to spot the sometimes subtle behaviors that give away “mean girls.” Especially if a really good friend starts to act like one. Have you been excluded from a group or activity that you used to spend a lot of time with? Or, maybe you’ve noticed a friend being extra bossy, demanding their own way, or that you conform to their ideals for dress or behavior.
Additional clues could include:
Gossip & Rumors: Spreading untrue stories or talking behind your back.
Put-Downs & Cyberbullying: Using “jokes” to hurt, posting mean comments, or sharing embarrassing photos.
Encouragement to Bully: It’s important to notice if anyone you’ve been hanging out with is pressuring you to bully other kids.
How to Cope with “Mean Girls”
When faced with “mean girls,” it’s vital to keep your cool…and stay true to yourself. Reacting emotionally gives them exactly the power they crave. Instead, take a deep breath and maintain your composure. Sometimes, simply ignoring their behavior and walking away can be powerful. By not giving them a reaction, you remove their reward.
Set Boundaries and Speak Up
Assertiveness is your ally. Clearly communicate what you find unacceptable. Statements like “Please don’t talk about me like that” can set boundaries. Remember, your voice matters!
Seek Support and Broaden Your Circle
Talk to a trusted adult, be it a parent, teacher, or therapist, about what you’re experiencing. They can offer guidance or step in if necessary.
Plus, engaging in new activities can help you meet new friends and build resilience. Have you always wanted to try volleyball? Go for it? Have an inkling to try out for the school play? Take the risk!
Find Your Circle
Build friendships with people who lift you up. It hurts to lose someone you thought was a friend. But if a friendship goes sour, and you cannot make peace with that person, it is better for you to let go and find new friends who love and support you.
Be Kind to Yourself
Understand that this behavior is not your fault. You deserve friendships filled with kindness and respect. Above all, be kind to yourself and refrain from becoming a “mean girl” in return; be the friend you wish to have.
Choosing Friends Who Let You Shine
Growing up comes with challenges, but it also comes with so many opportunities to grow stronger, wiser, and more confident in who you are. Friendships can be one of the best parts of life—or one of the hardest—but they don’t define your worth. You get to choose the people who are in your circle and how you allow others to treat you.
If you ever find yourself feeling hurt, lonely, or unsure how to handle a tricky friendship, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Talking to a therapist who specializes in therapy for teen girls can be a safe way to sort through your feelings, learn new ways to cope, and remind yourself just how amazing you are. Therapy isn’t just for “big problems”—it’s for anyone who wants to better understand themselves and build healthier, happier relationships.
