Unseen, Not Unworthy: How ADHD Often Looks Different in Women and Girls
When most people picture ADHD, they often imagine a loud, energetic boy who can’t sit still. While that experience is real, it’s only part of the story. For many women and girls, ADHD shows up in quieter, more internal ways—ways that are often missed, misdiagnosed, or misunderstood.
Instead of bouncing off the walls, it might look like:
Constant daydreaming
Emotional overwhelm and frequent self-doubt
Chronic disorganization and forgetfulness
A sense of always trying, but never quite keeping up
Deep shame masked by perfectionism or people-pleasing
These experiences can be exhausting—especially when others don’t see the struggle.
Why Women and Girls Are Overlooked
ADHD has long been studied through a male lens. The criteria used to diagnose it were based mostly on boys with hyperactive and disruptive behaviors, creating a “male-centric” understanding of the disorder. Because girls are more likely to have the inattentive subtype, combined with traditional gender roles that expect them to be well-behaved or quiet, their symptoms—like zoning out, emotional sensitivity, and disorganization—are often labeled as laziness, anxiety, or moodiness instead.
Girls are also more likely to internalize their challenges. Rather than acting out, they try harder, stay quiet, and mask their symptoms. Many develop coping strategies that work—for a while. But over time, these strategies can lead to burnout, anxiety, or depression.
And when women finally seek help in adulthood, they’re often told, “You’re just stressed” or “You’re doing too much.” But inside, they know: there’s more to the story—and they deserve to be truly seen.
Hormones, Life Changes, and Shifting Symptoms
Women’s ADHD symptoms often ebb and flow with hormonal changes—like puberty, menstrual cycles, pregnancy, and menopause. These shifts can impact focus, mood, and energy. For example, lower estrogen levels can reduce dopamine activity, which is already low in ADHD brains.
That’s why many women first recognize their symptoms during big life transitions—when demands increase and old coping tools stop working.
Getting a Clear Diagnosis
Diagnosing ADHD in girls and women means looking beyond the typical checklist. A holistic evaluation should include:
A deep dive into childhood experiences
Interviews with close family or partners (when helpful)
ADHD-specific rating scales
A screen for co-occurring conditions like anxiety or depression
Consideration of hormonal and life-stage factors
This kind of care invites compassion—not judgment. It allows women to connect the dots and reclaim parts of their story they never knew were connected.
Coaching: a Practical Path to Freedom
While traditional therapy and medication can help (especially when anxiety and/or depression are also present), ADHD coaching offers a powerful, empowering tool. It focuses on how you live, not just why you struggle. It’s about building systems that work for your unique brain and aligning with your values, rather than forcing yourself into someone else’s mold. For women and girls, ADHD coaching can be particularly empowering to:
Develop tools for organization, time management, and task completion
Build self-compassion by releasing shame and perfectionism
Strengthen executive function through practical, values-driven strategies
Reconnect with their voice, identity, and sense of purpose
You’re Not Failing, You’ve Been Unseen
If you’re a woman or girl who’s spent years wondering why life feels harder than it should, know this: you are not broken. You may have simply been navigating a world that wasn’t built to recognize your experience.
Understanding your ADHD isn’t about labeling—it’s about clarity, self-trust, and freedom. And at Be Still Holistic Counseling & Wellness, we believe healing and growth happen when all parts of you—mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual—are seen, honored, and supported.
If this resonates with your story, we invite you to explore ADHD coaching with us. You don’t have to wait for a diagnosis or keep pushing through alone. You are worthy of care, clarity, and wholeness—right here, right now.
